Who's Watering the Seed that God Implanted in You ?

Since I was a young girl, I always talked to God. Many people had an imaginary friend, I didn't. I talked to God. At such a young age I knew that there was a higher power out there, not just anywhere, but above all things.

Can you relate?

 I often thought when it would rain, God was crying, I felt someway, somehow we made Him sad. When it was hailing, or thundering and lightening I felt God was angry. When it snowed, I thought it was God sweeping up Heaven; preparing for His people to come home. When the wind would whistle a song, I felt God was at peace. And my favorite, when the Sun shined at its brightest, God was his happiest. As a child this made sense to me. As a child this made me feel connected to God more, it made Him relatable. God was what I had when I felt I had nothing. He was a friend I needed even when I was in a dark space not evening knowing. But when I took my ears and eyes off Him, and tried to figure out my darkness. I lost his voice. 

I propose a question, "Who's watering the seed that God implanted in you?"

A glimpse of my story:

 At young age my innocence was taking from me by two young men that I loved dearly. For over five years I was their sex toy.  I grew up early because of the ugly situations I was faced with. I learned more about sex and adulthood before I was a teenager. Even during these difficult, traumatizing. confusing  times, I still heard God's voice, loud and clear. However, I got weary. When the enemy  can see your vulnerability they'll move in on you to destroy you.  I Peter 5:8 CEVDCI "Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy , the devil is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack. " The minute I saw my situation, I felt pity over my life, and things began to change. 

I knew I had a calling over my life to work with young kids but because I allowed my pain to give me purpose, I felt my purpose change. After my body was violated and misused at such a young age, my direction towards working with children became my duty to want to protect them. I wanted to be a lawyer for only children because I wanted to be their voice when they've lost their own. I wanted to be their mother, when they didn't have no one else to give them that love and nourishment. I wanted to be their friend because I felt just as much as they needed one I wanted one too. As a child I had so many ideas of what my purpose was, but allowing the pain of my circumstances to water them. 

I was watching Iyanla Fix My Life one day and she proposed a question to a young lady and said, "So the pain is giving you purpose?" The young lady replied, "yes". Iyanla informed her that she would not go far with that. I was convicted.  After wrestling with suicide, self harm, and the pain hurt and trauma from the molestation that took place for so many years, I felt defeated. The silence of my own mouth, the neglect from so many, caused my purpose to be watered with pain, and not nourishment. I was killing my seed that God implanted in me. 

Implanted means to provide someone with something or to insert. God already implanted in me that I would work with young children. But who watered my seed, what voice did I listen to?

Can I be transparent with you?

I listened to the voice of my pain. I allowed the pain to give me purpose to push me into doing multiple things outside of the things that God wanted me to do. But who was pouring into me? Who was feeding my spirit when I couldn't? Who was I connected to?

Can I tell you I didn't have the answer. I didn't have the answer then, but I have the answer now. I learned that in order to allow the seed that God implanted in me to grow I must connect to the right people. And before I connect to the right people, I have to stop watering myself with the toxic fluid that shifted my purpose. Yes I was molested by multiples, yes I suffered with the acts of suicide and self harm, yes I questioned God, but it wasn't to hinder my purpose like I was feeding myself, but to grow from it. The pain of my past was not to harm me but to develop me, but in order to be developed and healed, I had to be connected to pure water.

When we don't get the proper help we need to walk into the purpose and promises that God has for us, we water ourselves with the trials and tribulations of our past and current circumstances.

Who's pouring into your seed that God implanted in you?

What voices are you listening to? Are you having fruitful conversations? 

I'm grateful to God I was able to join a SistHer Mentorship with Kierra Sheard. I've learned that what God has for you is for you. I learned to not move on what I feel, but what I know. 

Isaiah 40:31 CEVDCI says "But those who trust the Lord will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upwards on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired."

When you water your seed with toxic fuel you get weary and tired. But when you develop a relationship with God and you gain relationships that pushes you in your purpose, then and only then the seed that God implanted in you will start to grow.  A minister from my church by the name of Elder Frank said, "You won't just see the tree that was always their in your life, but now you will see what that tree can produce."

Who's watering your seed?

I love you, but God loves you so much more.

Until next time 

Kita 

What's Stopping You?

I always ask myself, "Kita what is stopping you from walking into your purpose?

Before I would list all the things I dealt with; being sexually, mentally, and emotionally abuses as a child. Going through an identity crisis as a teenager, loosing myself in my early twenties, loosing God's voice by listening to others. I mean the list can go on and on, however, I realize the biggest thing, and person that was stopping me from being everything that I need to be was... ME

Sometimes we ask God to deliver us from our enemies and the enemy we are trying to let loose is ourselves. During this pandemic I lost a lot of friends, mentally and emotionally. I had to go through some of the toughest times in my life by myself. 

Can I be transparent with you?

 I was over living a life that I had no idea how to run, or walk in. Here I am 27 with a Master's in Early Childhood Education  but didn't feel successful. Single, in church faithfully, but yet so broken. I tried everything, almost everything. Drinking, smoking, self harm, pills, all the things that killed my body, destroyed my image and mind. Things that activated my anxiety, and pulled me away from, family and friends.

I called myself a Christian no one forced it on me.  I went to church every time the doors was open (85% of the time LOL), but I had no peace. 

BUT GOD 

I learned the difference between serving a religion and having a relationship with God. 

I started to pray more DAILY. I listened to music that didn't make me sad, but pushed me to where I needed to know the God that sits so high, but yet still consider a sinner like me. 

Kierra Sheard is one of my favorite gospel artist, and around the time her new album came out (April)  I had already tried to commit suicide 3 times consistently. 

Isn't it amazing that God can hear your cry even when you are not seeking Him? When He's already lining up people in our favor, not to idolize them, but draw you closer to Him?! 

HE'S A GOD LIKE THAT!!

I started to join Kierra's lives, connecting with her and her family, through prayer calls, bible studies, and music. 

I started to see God for myself. 

I started to ask God to eliminate those people that weren't for me; and let me tell you, I was not at all ready for the major drop of friendships, but it was way overdue. 

I started to speak "No weapon formed against me shall prosper" Isaiah 54:17. I spoke it so much that the taste of smoking was eliminated from me. I was asking God to not let the weapon prosper yet I continued to form it every time I lit up.

I started connecting to people who built a relationship with God, so when I fell short I had someone to talk to.

As a young woman who struggled with mental health for years, I started to love Marquita Nicole so much more. 

I spoke Psalms 139:14 that reminded me that, I was fearfully and wonderfully made.

That's not my word, but His. 

I started to speak "A New Thing" in my life. 

I started to believe that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13 

I stopped being ashamed of what was already in me!

I finally answered the knock that Jesus was waiting patiently for me to open.

So I ask you this one question.... What's stopping you?

As always I am praying that you continue to walk in your purpose. I pray that you allow God to do a "New Thing" as we lean not to our own understanding and in always we acknowledge Him, and He shall direct our path. - Proverb 3:6

I pray and speak freedom from the bondage of the mind, body and self doubt. Free from family, and friends that mean you no good, and I claim the victory already won!

Know that  I love you, but God loves you so much more!

Until Next Time!

Kita

Learning to Be True to the God In You

 Romans 12:2

Don't be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasing to Him. (CEVDCI)

I've learned lately that what we put out there will come back to us. As a believer of Christ one of the main things I want to do is be obedient to His will.  

Being transparent, one of the things I struggle with the most is trying to stay connected to things that God is trying to release me from. I would be so conflicted on why certain things kept happening repeatedly, and it was because I was holding on to what I wasn't suppose to have. Sometimes we think things are for us, but in all reality that very thing is working against us. 

Many times God reveals to us what is not for us and yet and still we find ourselves running into the same situation with different people. We attract what we desire, even when it's a desire that means us no good. 

The scripture tells us in Romans chapter 12 vs 2 Don't be like the people of the world. In the King James version it says "be not conformed to the world. " Conformed meaning to comply with rules and standards of others. Many times we have to change who we are as the body of Christ to fit the environment of our surroundings. I know for myself, I've been in situations where I felt like I had to be like the environment, although it meant loosing myself. Have you ever lost yourself trying to please others? I like the King James version for another break down because with "conformed"  the "ed" means past tense. I love the way God lines it up because He's letting us know, I already know what you've done, I've seen what you've been connected to, but I like the next part, "be ye transformed" reminding us that you can be changed by God, "by the renewing of your mind" change the way you think. Allow God to work inside of you, and watch the actions of your thoughts line up!

How can you be true to the God in You:

1. Accept that God is changing you. Allow Him to change your heart - Psalms 51:10

2. Stay Connected to people who see's your purpose, but doesn't try to control your destiny. -Isaiah 57:10

3. Deny your fleshly self. Be willing to receive more of Him and less of what you see in the mirror. I Corinthians 11:1

One of the things I love about having a relationship with Christ is, it's a daily walk. You learn and grow the more you stay connected to Him in prayer. Surrounding yourself with positive things, and people. 

I pray that you continue to allow God to do a New Thing in your life, as you press towards the mark of the high calling which is in Christ Jesus - Philippians 3:13-14

I love you, but God loves you so much more!

Until next time

Kita