Before I would list all the things I dealt with; being sexually, mentally, and emotionally abuses as a child. Going through an identity crisis as a teenager, loosing myself in my early twenties, loosing God's voice by listening to others. I mean the list can go on and on, however, I realize the biggest thing, and person that was stopping me from being everything that I need to be was... ME
Sometimes we ask God to deliver us from our enemies and the enemy we are trying to let loose is ourselves. During this pandemic I lost a lot of friends, mentally and emotionally. I had to go through some of the toughest times in my life by myself.
Can I be transparent with you?
I was over living a life that I had no idea how to run, or walk in. Here I am 27 with a Master's in Early Childhood Education but didn't feel successful. Single, in church faithfully, but yet so broken. I tried everything, almost everything. Drinking, smoking, self harm, pills, all the things that killed my body, destroyed my image and mind. Things that activated my anxiety, and pulled me away from, family and friends.
I called myself a Christian no one forced it on me. I went to church every time the doors was open (85% of the time LOL), but I had no peace.
BUT GOD
I learned the difference between serving a religion and having a relationship with God.
I started to pray more DAILY. I listened to music that didn't make me sad, but pushed me to where I needed to know the God that sits so high, but yet still consider a sinner like me.
Kierra Sheard is one of my favorite gospel artist, and around the time her new album came out (April) I had already tried to commit suicide 3 times consistently.
Isn't it amazing that God can hear your cry even when you are not seeking Him? When He's already lining up people in our favor, not to idolize them, but draw you closer to Him?!
HE'S A GOD LIKE THAT!!
I started to join Kierra's lives, connecting with her and her family, through prayer calls, bible studies, and music.
I started to see God for myself.
I started to ask God to eliminate those people that weren't for me; and let me tell you, I was not at all ready for the major drop of friendships, but it was way overdue.
I started to speak "No weapon formed against me shall prosper" Isaiah 54:17. I spoke it so much that the taste of smoking was eliminated from me. I was asking God to not let the weapon prosper yet I continued to form it every time I lit up.
I started connecting to people who built a relationship with God, so when I fell short I had someone to talk to.
As a young woman who struggled with mental health for years, I started to love Marquita Nicole so much more.
I spoke Psalms 139:14 that reminded me that, I was fearfully and wonderfully made.
That's not my word, but His.
I started to speak "A New Thing" in my life.
I started to believe that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13
I stopped being ashamed of what was already in me!
I finally answered the knock that Jesus was waiting patiently for me to open.
So I ask you this one question.... What's stopping you?
As always I am praying that you continue to walk in your purpose. I pray that you allow God to do a "New Thing" as we lean not to our own understanding and in always we acknowledge Him, and He shall direct our path. - Proverb 3:6
I pray and speak freedom from the bondage of the mind, body and self doubt. Free from family, and friends that mean you no good, and I claim the victory already won!
Know that I love you, but God loves you so much more!
Until Next Time!
Kita
No comments:
Post a Comment