Who's Watering the Seed that God Implanted in You ?

Since I was a young girl, I always talked to God. Many people had an imaginary friend, I didn't. I talked to God. At such a young age I knew that there was a higher power out there, not just anywhere, but above all things.

Can you relate?

 I often thought when it would rain, God was crying, I felt someway, somehow we made Him sad. When it was hailing, or thundering and lightening I felt God was angry. When it snowed, I thought it was God sweeping up Heaven; preparing for His people to come home. When the wind would whistle a song, I felt God was at peace. And my favorite, when the Sun shined at its brightest, God was his happiest. As a child this made sense to me. As a child this made me feel connected to God more, it made Him relatable. God was what I had when I felt I had nothing. He was a friend I needed even when I was in a dark space not evening knowing. But when I took my ears and eyes off Him, and tried to figure out my darkness. I lost his voice. 

I propose a question, "Who's watering the seed that God implanted in you?"

A glimpse of my story:

 At young age my innocence was taking from me by two young men that I loved dearly. For over five years I was their sex toy.  I grew up early because of the ugly situations I was faced with. I learned more about sex and adulthood before I was a teenager. Even during these difficult, traumatizing. confusing  times, I still heard God's voice, loud and clear. However, I got weary. When the enemy  can see your vulnerability they'll move in on you to destroy you.  I Peter 5:8 CEVDCI "Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy , the devil is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack. " The minute I saw my situation, I felt pity over my life, and things began to change. 

I knew I had a calling over my life to work with young kids but because I allowed my pain to give me purpose, I felt my purpose change. After my body was violated and misused at such a young age, my direction towards working with children became my duty to want to protect them. I wanted to be a lawyer for only children because I wanted to be their voice when they've lost their own. I wanted to be their mother, when they didn't have no one else to give them that love and nourishment. I wanted to be their friend because I felt just as much as they needed one I wanted one too. As a child I had so many ideas of what my purpose was, but allowing the pain of my circumstances to water them. 

I was watching Iyanla Fix My Life one day and she proposed a question to a young lady and said, "So the pain is giving you purpose?" The young lady replied, "yes". Iyanla informed her that she would not go far with that. I was convicted.  After wrestling with suicide, self harm, and the pain hurt and trauma from the molestation that took place for so many years, I felt defeated. The silence of my own mouth, the neglect from so many, caused my purpose to be watered with pain, and not nourishment. I was killing my seed that God implanted in me. 

Implanted means to provide someone with something or to insert. God already implanted in me that I would work with young children. But who watered my seed, what voice did I listen to?

Can I be transparent with you?

I listened to the voice of my pain. I allowed the pain to give me purpose to push me into doing multiple things outside of the things that God wanted me to do. But who was pouring into me? Who was feeding my spirit when I couldn't? Who was I connected to?

Can I tell you I didn't have the answer. I didn't have the answer then, but I have the answer now. I learned that in order to allow the seed that God implanted in me to grow I must connect to the right people. And before I connect to the right people, I have to stop watering myself with the toxic fluid that shifted my purpose. Yes I was molested by multiples, yes I suffered with the acts of suicide and self harm, yes I questioned God, but it wasn't to hinder my purpose like I was feeding myself, but to grow from it. The pain of my past was not to harm me but to develop me, but in order to be developed and healed, I had to be connected to pure water.

When we don't get the proper help we need to walk into the purpose and promises that God has for us, we water ourselves with the trials and tribulations of our past and current circumstances.

Who's pouring into your seed that God implanted in you?

What voices are you listening to? Are you having fruitful conversations? 

I'm grateful to God I was able to join a SistHer Mentorship with Kierra Sheard. I've learned that what God has for you is for you. I learned to not move on what I feel, but what I know. 

Isaiah 40:31 CEVDCI says "But those who trust the Lord will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upwards on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired."

When you water your seed with toxic fuel you get weary and tired. But when you develop a relationship with God and you gain relationships that pushes you in your purpose, then and only then the seed that God implanted in you will start to grow.  A minister from my church by the name of Elder Frank said, "You won't just see the tree that was always their in your life, but now you will see what that tree can produce."

Who's watering your seed?

I love you, but God loves you so much more.

Until next time 

Kita